I am sorting out my wardrobe and discovering in the process that my favourite childhood book has morphed into ‘The Try On, The Bitch and The Wardrobe!’
My closet is bursting at the seams with fantasy versions of an alternative reality – a life that is ‘absolutely fabulous darling!’
In truth, I live in paint splattered jeans in the muddy countryside. It also appears most of my clothes have ganged up against me and shrunk. It really is a magic wardrobe!
Somehow a clothes purge seems symbolic. A letting go of versions of myself that are outworn, outdated or frankly nowadays delusional!
A kind of shedding of old skins – letting go of the metaphorical onion layers to find transformation.
The so called middle age spread has spread all over the house. I begin to understand what the phrase means. Not so much body fat from stuffing your face but a general boundary spilling over abundance stuffing of everything that slows down your energy.
I have been decluttering all summer. It has been a slow stuff shuffle, rather than a whirling, twirling, passionate tango.
Every now and then a treasure emerges – a new idea for how to use things, a bit of space made. Happy moments. Little bits of energy release into a punk pogo round the room. An 80’s music radio station has played in the background all summer. Gold!
Lots of lying down in-between too. Letting go of stuff is very exhausting!
Now beautiful dresses are being banished to the local Breast Cancer charity shop to look wonderful on someone else. It is as though these tiny tight fragile ‘tutus’ of design gorgeousness are mocking entities in the wardrobe tormenting the more fulsome fifties me! Begone, reminders of another era, this is not my life anymore. Stop poking me!
They say ’nature abhors a vacuum’. I am trusting the air developing in my cupboard is inviting new possibilities for adventures and freedom. My magic wardrobe, I tell myself, is inviting a magnetic creative force field of possibility and well being – new doors to walk through will miraculously appear, magic kingdoms revealed to explore. New outfits for new fit outings.
As letting go of unnecessary tension in the body takes a bit of conscious awareness and courage, so does letting go of the tight, out-moded, worn out – the clothes and stuff we are holding onto that stops us being the best person we could possibly be right now. Material on the outside matters somehow to the heart of the matter on the inside.
Slowly she shuffles stuff
Stuff stuff stuff …
‘Stuff and nonsense’ my granny would have said!
Letting Go by Kirsten Harris